in Which I have Some Mental Issues. and holiday Cheer.

I tend to see the world in movie trailer form.

Like, I'll imagine walking down the halls of my school and then getting stuck in the bottle neck section right between the science hall and my English class, and just dropping to my knees and screaming. Then I hear the voice over say "and then she just...lost it." And as all the students kind of push back away from me, and I get up and start beating down everyone in sight all River Tam style. And then the music gets epic and the plot is revealed.

BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM FOCUSING ON RIGHT NOW DAMMIT BECAUSE IT IS WINTER BREAK AND I AM HAPPY.

Tomorrow, or rather, today I will be having a great get-together with the other teenagers who helped out at a camp I worked at over the Summer. All these people are made of the essence of win and I am glad to know them. Granted, they are going to be invading my house and that does not make me happy because I don't like hosting parties. But sibling is mostly taking charge of the event so whatevs.

I painted pottery today with a great friend, and that was nice. I'm going to see an amazing concert with another great friend (and possibly the aforementioned great friend) which will kick ass. Oh, also, GOING TO HARRY POTTER LAND WITH THESE FRIENDS BUT YOU KNOW DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BE SO IN LOVE WITH LIFE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

I tried to express my joy about these events to my posters today. Sometimes they're supportive, but today they were all apathetic. Probably because I've yet to buy them their Christmas presents. The Beatles (both Hard Days Night and White Album versions) were like "oh, concert then? Good on you. Who's the band?" And I told them, and they were like "who?" Tried to explain and it went kind of over their heads. Generation gaps and all that.

Then I tried to talk to Shakespeare about Harry Potter Land, but he got all stuffy because no one has yet to build him a theme park. And I promised I would see what I could do about that. I don't think he believed me.

John Lennon wasn't too talkative today. Think he was a little tripped out.

And Rorschach.....we aren't really on speaking terms right now. He's still uncomfortable with the whole being in a girl's bedroom thing, and he's remarks are starting to get aggravating. Where else am I supposed to change, you conservative, masked crazypants?!

So, whatever. The posters weren't all that helpful today, but that's alright I guess. I'm probably getting some more for Christmas and maybe one of them will be of Jesus or something. He's good at listening, right? Or like...the cast of Firefly. Maybe Spock. Just a new face would be appreciated.

Eh, I need to clean my room tomorrow. Vacuum away the fleas that are starting to reappear. Maybe rearrange the posters a little, give them a change of pace.

Hey kids, it's almost Christmas! Kind of keep forgetting that. Merry something to all I suppose. Enjoy your dreams of sugarplums or whatever it is your sick minds concoct for your unconscious.

Happy Holidays everybody!

Future Stuff

You know what would be nice? Laying on a quilt, on the floor of my apartment, in front of the lap top that used to be my sibling's, drinking a cup of tea while doing homework for a class I chose to be in. I could go for that right about now.

I had a meeting about my future a few days ago. A brilliant friend of mine has crunched the numbers for what my plans are, and surprisingly, they actually seem like...possible. Granted we have to get my grandma to fork over enough money to get my started, and this job of mine really needs to come through. But otherwise...yeah, kind of possible. I'm not asking for much, really. A small (and I mean small) apartment in a low rent area while going to a Community College for a few years. I've heard of more adventurous college plans but this one seems to work for me. 

I guess I just want to not be here anymore. Here, in this town which would have maybe been a nice place to go to college if I hadn't grown up hating everything about it. Yeah, I'm scared about living on my own in a town that is totally new to me, but I'm terrified of being stuck here.

There is always the chance that it won't work, and I will have to stay here for a term as I get my shit together. But I'm getting out. In a matter of months, I will get out of this damned place with these damned people. Even if my new home will only be 45 minutes away from my old, it's different.  And that's enough for me, at least for now.

It won't be exciting, I know that much. The town is nice but probably pretty damn boring. I really need to take another trip down there to see what there is to do. Relaxing is nice, but really, stuff. Need to be able to do it.

Honestly, I'm looking forward to the little things. Doing all my own dishes, decorating the whole place for whatever Holiday I decide it should be that day, taking a road trip to nowhere with whoever answers the phone at 3 a.m. I want a place to call mine, a school that I wanted to go to, and some people that I decided to be friends with because they don't suck.

Until then though, I have a shit load of stuff to look forward to. Not just college and houses, but Christmas, and THE BEST GIFT EVER (seriously, thank you. I know I said it before but, thank you.), and Harry Effing Potter Land, and being able to legally drive my friends around. Not much longer really, when you add it up. Just a matter of playing the waiting game a little longer.

But it's like the wise man said "It's gonna be the future soon..."